All of this healthcare stuff is getting to me … even in my sleep.Last night, I dreamed that I was standing with Barack Obama outside the White House. He was telling me his plans to help the country. Though I can’t remember any of the details now, they made a lot of sense to me at the time. But as I listened, enraptured, I smelled something burning. Over the President’s broad shoulder I saw smoke coming from the White House.
“Uh, Mr. President …” I said. At that moment the great man put his hand on my shoulder. He said, “James, I need YOUR help. Together, we must do something about our great nation’s housing crisis.” I noticed for the first time that a flock of the President’s admirers were standing on the National Mall. They were all holding building materials – boards, shingles, windows, and more. The crowd stretched out of sight.
“Sure,” I said, “but there’s smoke …” The President didn’t seem to hear me. He gave me a hammer and a saw. “James, together, we will build a gigantic People’s House, for everyone in America.”
“Well,” I stammered, “A lot of people already have houses. And speaking of houses, there’s smoke coming out of …”
But the President wasn’t finished. “Some fortunate people, millionaires mostly, or at least couples making a combined $250,000 a year, have houses. We will recycle the pieces of those houses to make a People’s House that will bestow dignity and security …”
“Hey!” I yelled at a man in the crowd, “That’s my garage door! You give that back!”
The President just looked more determined, and I was ashamed for interrupting. He said, “The People’s House will reduce energy usage and increase the average enjoyment per square foot by …” The smell of smoke intensified, and one of the White House windows shattered from the heat. Flames gushed out.
“Mister President!” I was shouting again, but I felt I had no choice. “Just stop for a second, and look at YOUR house. Don’t you see anything wrong?” The crowd muttered. A few people called me a bully, and one woman even accused me of working for Fox News. I honestly feared for my life. But the President calmly raised a hand and the crowd backed off. He said, “Is there anything wrong?” For a moment the world held its breath. “Yes!” the President said at last, “I see what you mean.” I felt enormous pride, but then he continued: “It could use some guest bedrooms. Follow me!”
“Wait!” I said, “I meant you should put out the fire first!!” But it was too late. Millions of Americans followed the President, and began randomly nailing boards onto the burning White House. Fire spread everywhere.
It was just a dream, but I can still smell the smoke.


